Damilare Kuku Has a New Book and Nobody is Fainting? How Dare You?

 

Written by Safa Alhassan 

So you people want to tell me you don’t know that Damilare Kuku.... yes, THE Damilare Kuku has written a new book? Why is everybody suddenly quiet? Or is it only quirky titles that ginger you people to read? Because when she dropped Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad, you people rushed it like emergency. Even those who don’t normally read anything longer than an Instagram caption bought it. Most of them were men sef, eager to know what was being said about them.... Hahahaha. This, in my opinion, is actually a good thing. I mean, you’re putting more of your brain to work and helping improve the reading culture, which is fast becoming extinct.

Then the next year she blessed us with Only Big Bum Bum Matters Tomorrow, and you people said “say no more.” Everybody wanted to know what in the BBL she was talking about. Ah! Nigerians!!!!! Meanwhile, the irony is that you see these books...... these funny, sarcastic titles...... are actually painfully sad stories. But because Damilare is a genius, she hides the sadness in humour, sarcasm and sharp storytelling. I’ve honestly never been as heartbroken as I was the day I read Only Big Bum Bum Matters Tomorrow. But what do we care? As long as it's trending for the right reasons, biko involve me.

For me honestly, I’d rather read books with normal titles (i don't mind if it's a little unpredictable) than quirky titles that are very funny and make me lose my guard, entering the book with full vulnerability. Its lowkey deceitful. Because those funny titles are more heartbreaking than books whose themes you already know. My heart cannot take that kind of surprise heartbreak. Not that I don't appreciate funny titles, I do especially if it's well written. 

But my point is, why do you want to make me laugh first and then go ahead and be chooking hand inside my eyes? For what now? Just show me the tatashe from the beginning now, let me kuku know what I’m in for. Last last, I’ll clean my tears and running nose, move on. Abi?

This is exactly Damilare Kuku’s style of writing. She's the first author to do that to me, and I found it very strange yet interesting. I've only ever read very serious books. You know, straight to business. But this author? Haaaa... aren’t nobody badder than her in that sense, man!! So imagine my surprise when she dropped a banger, and she’s been doing it consecutively without disappointing us. You people now want to turn a blind eye this year and not acknowledge it? Ah!! You’re ingrates.

So i want to ring it in your ears now just incase you missed it. GO AND READ DAMILARE'S NEW BOOK Ooooooooooo... 

"Wait sef! As what now?" 

"Mukaila, as her mouthpiece ooo" 

Ah ah... Not every time mad men. Not every time big bum bum. Common!!

Ask yourself: Are you really connecting with the author’s words, or are you just part of the hypocritical crowd that follows trends blindly? I’m annoyed on her behalf. Yes, I’m her PR, her manager, her oversabi reader or whatever you want to call it. The point is, have you read the book by the same author you people couldn’t close your mouths about for two years straight? That same author who published a new book months ago, this year? No, you haven’t. So, go and read it.

The way you people followed Chimamanda Adichie's Dream Count like hungry puppies annoyed me. The book was so scarce when it first came out, thanks to the crazy demand, that I had to wait a whole month before I could get my hands on a copy. A lot of people I've heard talk about it didn’t even realise the book is pure tragedy in its rawest form. Someone even had the audacity to write a disgusting review, mixing up names and spouting pure nonsense. This is just an outright insult to the writer. Instead of chasing trends, you all should have been concerned about Chimamanda herself (that's if you even read it and didn't just buy it because the world was talking about it). If that story came out of her head, imagine the depth of her emotions. 

And now here we are again. You people have succeeded in irritating me with your clout chasing. No authenticity whatsoever. 

So hear me clearly! Go and read Damilare Kuku’s new book. It’s titled Women Rent Men and Secrets Here. She's the same person that wrote those two books you were raving about.

Then keep quiet and let it sink into your soul.

Go and read my friend!