Book Review: Stay With Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀

 

Written by Safa Alhassan 

Stay With Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀  is an emotional, deeply moving story set in Nigeria, focusing on the marriage between Yejide and Akin. It’s a story of love, loss, betrayal, and the crushing weight of societal and cultural expectations. The book talks about the challenges of infertility within a traditional African society, where the pressure to have children can lead to devastating consequences. On this day, I was in the mood for a healthy love story, that was how I decided to pick up Stay With Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ without reading synopsis online. Though the book was published in 2017, it’s my first time reading it. From the title, I was expecting something cheesy, maybe romantic, because lately, everything has been so harsh especially on social media. I guess I was looking for a break from it all, detoxing from the constant news about Trump, Annie Idibia, and all the chaos. Can the world go sane again? Well, I chose the wrong book. Who sent me? It was a terrible idea because what I found was far from the lighthearted romance I was expecting. This book practically terrorized my peace, and I felt offended. I was genuinely downcast and angry.

Yejide and her husband, Akin are desperate to have a child in a society that values motherhood above all else. The pressure from their family and culture to produce a child creates a heavy, suffocating atmosphere that affects every part of their lives. Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ did an amazing job of showing how these cultural expectations can destroy people’s lives and relationships. What struck me the most about this book is how real the struggles felt. Yejide’s pain, the way she’s treated because of her inability to have children, and the lengths she goes to for a solution. The book is all so raw and heartbreaking. It made me think a lot about how, even today, women often carry the burden of family expectations, especially in African cultures.

I couldn’t even finish the book at that point because it delved so deeply into intra-cultural oppression, prejudices and the burdens certain practices places on women. What is culture anyway? I don’t have the words to express my frustration, but you should probably read the book to find out. Ayọ̀bámi Adébàyó is an excellent writer, and I must say, I appreciated the unique setting in Ilesa and parts of Jos which is refreshingly different from the usual Lagos stories. Her writing is simple yet powerful, and I picked up a few new words along the way.

The most significant impact this book had on me was how it opened my eyes to some seriously twisted ideologies, all in the name of culture and tradition. It was shocking to realize that people can think and act however they please, even when it means stepping on others, especially their wives, with society's blessing. I honestly didn’t realize, in all my years, that such mindsets still exist today. Are these just fictional characters? It’s unsettling to see how ingrained these attitudes are in our cultural fabric, where wives are viewed as mere extensions of their husbands and families. Another lesson i took from the novel is that marriage is a complicated and fragile institution, where love alone isn't enough to hold things together. Akin and Yejide's love is tested repeatedly by external pressures, secrets, and deception. The book makes it clear that communication, honesty, and mutual understanding are essential for a healthy relationship. Without these, even the strongest love can crumble under the weight of expectations and lies. The book  also sheds light on how society often reduces women to their ability to produce children, which leads to personal suffering. Through Yejide’s journey, we see how dangerous it can be when a woman’s value is tied solely to her reproductive ability.

Once my mood was sufficiently ruined, I put the book down and vented my frustration on paper. It’s no secret that much of African literature thrives on tragedy, especially when it revolves around women bearing the brunt of suffering. For some odd reason, these stories seem more relatable to people, and that’s even more tragic. Why do we need pain to find resonance?

At its heart, Stay With Me is a story about grief. Yejide experiences loss in multiple forms. Her sense of self, her dreams of motherhood, and her trust in the people around her. The book teaches us that grief is complex and personal, and healing requires time, acceptance, and self-reflection.

In the end, I recommend this book if you’re in the mood for some intense family drama, maybe even like the Idibia saga. However, if you're like me and against negativity or bad energy, this might not be the book for you. I’ve come to realize that just because a book is mine doesn’t mean I have to finish it if it’s not serving me. The old me would have pushed through despite feeling uncomfortable, but I’ve learned better. If you’re still that person, stop doing that to yourself; in books, TV shows, food, academics, outfits, people, everything.

All that being said, I recommend this book to women and young girls. Tragic stories like this can teach valuable lessons and make you appreciate your life more. African literature often leans toward the sad, and whether that’s a good thing is up for debate. Perhaps it reflects the harsh realities many face, but it can be overwhelming at times. Still, Stay With Me is worth the read for its insights into the cultural struggles many women endure. Happy reading!